She was fire trapped in a body merely 4’11” tall. Her pudgy nose and tiny, restless eyes refuse to leave the confines of my mind. Her skin full of pimple scars from her childhood flashes before me and reminds me of a honeycomb that was plucked too soon. She had a broken finger on her left hand. Her pinkie. Same as me.

She solved complex math problems for me. She was quick with multiplication and division. She ran like the wind and she sang softly; so softly that you had to listen hard to fully imbibe the beauty of her voice. It was beautiful.

I remember telling her about my first love. I was a kid of 12, excited beyond the point of return and hopelessly in love with a senior. I remember hatching plans with her on how to stalk him in school. She was a bloody genius.

She introduced me to sex. We used to watch movies together. The censor board wasn’t very active back then. How many times did we watch ‘Julie’?

I remember her slapping me hard. I remember her feeding me. She brought me up and is responsible for half the woman I am today. She engraved the concept of freedom in me and then flew away without a word.

Oh, you flew away too soon, Shanti. Shani. Shati. Didi. I know about your insecurities. I know how you cried sometimes. How you sneezed loudly and farted even more loudly. I remember our games and how you were a pro at UNO. I miss your cooking. I miss your stories. I miss you. Everyday. Right now. Always.

Turbulent head, rest a while.

Treacherous head, keep shut, will you?

Torturous head, don’t make me scream.

Tactical head, yes, I hear you.

Tentative head, you may speak now.

Taciturn head, you’re bleeding.

Tenacious head, loosen up.

Truthful head, you’re being ignored.

Truthful head, you were right.

Truthful head, you heard my screams.

Truthful head, you heard me scream.

Truthful head, you heard me then.

Truthful head, you hear me now.

Truthful head, be true once more.

Truthful head, just once, no more.